Definition:
A degenerative disease that degrades the Motivation Complex and exacerbates the
Procrastination Cortex. Those afflicted
with Senioritis usually range from 17 to 18 years of age, with equal
representations of both genders. Almost
all affected individuals are enrolled in the twelfth grade of secondary school,
although cases of early onset have been widely reported.
Symptoms:
- Grossly
diminished attention span
- Increased
capacity to formulate excuses
- Addiction
to social media outlet
- Noticeable
amnesia
Senioritis
progresses in four stages that are easily distinguished by the severity of the
conspicuous symptoms.
Stage
One: The individual typically develops Senioritis early in his/her senior year,
but symptoms do not manifest for several weeks.
The student gradually reduces the amount of time invested in assignments
or studying, but the change in academic habits is nearly imperceptible in his/her
grades, which largely remain the same.
The student is the first to notice the change in behavior, and can often
be heard commenting about his/her ‘procrastination.’
Stage
Two: The student suddenly develops the
ability to avoid activities that require mental exertion. He/She may regularly leave assignments
uncompleted and often approaches test with a fatalistic attitude. The student begins to interpret deadlines as
suggestions.
Stage
Three: The student is no longer conscious of the present. He/She develops an imaginary existence,
typically one that takes place on a college campus several months in the
future. All attempts to rouse the student
are usually met with apathetic stares.
Cure: Most studies have shown that a diploma
immediately eradicates Senioritis, with no adverse effects to the student.
I think I'm at Stage Two
-McKenna
